Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Last winter I made a show about working for the Department of Children and Families and I’d promised to make a show about what it’s like to be a parent whose had to work with this state agency, which is responsible for the safety of Vermont children. It’s no secret that DCF is currently understaffed and overworked. The opiate epidemic is one major factor in the growing number of kids taken into temporary custody by the state, and the growing number of TPR’S, or terminations of parental rights.This show offers a close look at what it’s like to be a parent inside the DCF system. To have your choices, your lifestyle, your living circumstances under the microscope of a state agency that’s capable of taking away your children.
DCF is an intensely private agency, and there’s no way to corroborate the details of these cases. The truth about these cases is always elusive and complicated. And I’m not looking for good guys or bad guys here.
This is a show about six parents with six very different stories from all over the state of Vermont.
Credit and Gratitude
Music by Marie Helene Belanger and Isha Love.
My thanks to all the parents who shared their stories with me by phone, email, and in person. Thanks to all the DCF caseworkers who have spoken with me over these months. Thanks to Mark Johnson, Bess O’Brien, Elsa Ingpen, Michael Chorney, Diane Zeigler, Mark Davis, Dillon Burns, the Aldrich Public Library and the Milton Public Library.
Show Reviews:
Kudos from 7 on 7 for 5/28/2016
This important piece was well worth waiting for.
The things tht impressed me the most about it were the unvarnished candor of the participants, the centrality of addiction / bad life choices in the respondents and the role of children in all the turmoil.
Somehow, Erica has created an interview environment that invites- even promotes – the users of DCF services to
discuss the issues that created the need for the DCF inteventions in remarkably coherent ways.
They talk about their lives and problems with DCF with a clarity that belies the popular notion that the drug addled
cannot think straight. Painful as it is to hear their stories, they seem completely lucid, reinforcing the urgency of
saving them from their admitted, shattered lives as the DCF is attempting to do, albeit with mixed results.
Sad as it is to hear the tragic stories of the parents, the plight of the kids seems far, far worse. It is one thing to make bad choices for yourself but to keep bringing children into the vortex of craziness, almost guarantees the perpetuation of a permanent underclass of hopeless, lost lives that requires the DCF, however difficult some of its transactions are felt to be by the clients.
I just listened to your most recent podcast. From Thursday? Paired with the other DCF show, I’m just left feeling like these two groups of people really, really want the same thing, and so are, in so many ways, actually on the same side. But neither really has all the resources necessary to make the needed amount of change happen. It was so great to have that one success story. Otherwise it’s just utterly stark. But SO important and SO well done.
This was a great show. I appreciate all the parents for sharing their stories. I know it is hard to put yourself out there in this way.
I would like to offer some advice for the mom who struggles with finding the right disciplinary methods to use for her son. I recommend getting a copy of the book, “Positive Discipline.” As a person who got many slaps to the face growing up (and worse), I knew that I did not want my children to go through that. This book will teach you how to re-frame how you look at discipline, and to completely overhaul the approach that, in order to make children do better, you must first make them feel worse. (This is a frequent refrain in the book.) For this approach to work, you must abandon the defensiveness you may feel about how you were brought up and about how you are simply employing those methods that you were taught.
I offer this advice without a trace of judgement, but much love.
Thanks Joyce for taking the time to share this advice. It’s great.
Just got done listening to this episode. I think what these parents had to say was spot on and fair. Their introspection was amazing to hear. What really stands out to me is how they faired within the Court process, which decidedly works against them. Public defenders are the worst. When I first started I was appalled by their ineptitude, indifference, and lack of any real defense – this observation persists 12 years later. Another take away is that this episode gave me the unique opportunity to hear some real feedback from parents and an opportunity to evaluate my own practice, particularly how to go about asking necessary but difficult questions about their lives and children’s welfare. My thanks to the moms and dad for having the courage to be interviewed here. This episode is a gift, thank you Erica for this series; it’s been invaluable, truly.
thank you Erica.
thank you for this.
Could you now do a show on the Children in DCF? I would guess this would be mostly teenagers who are in foster care or group homes? I know it will be almost impossible to get permission. The children are sometimes placed in homes or with foster parents that don’t “fit” but usually don’t have any choice in the matter. They are constantly being moved around (20 foster homes is not unusual) because DCF says someone made a mistake in being in the wrong place at the wrong time or paperwork not being filled out or because the teenagers themselves are trying to stand on their own and not have to get pre-approval to study for two hours at another students house. The strain that the children deal with is amazing. No wonder they are so angry.
thank you for doing these stories.
Could you also please try to put in a glossary with the stories so when someone says “a domestic” or “DPR” the audience will learn that domestic means violence and police, and DPR means Denial of Parental Rights…. I cannot imaging having that happen. You could interrupt the recording for a second to explain, or add a glossary at the beginning.
thanks again
Jon, As you say, I think it would be really challenging to do a show on DCF kids for the reasons you articulate above. But I had thought to do a show on foster parents. At the moment I’m swamped with other shows but I’ll think on it. And as far as a glossary…I went back and forth on the two terms you mention!! I asked three people if they’d understand what a ‘domestic’ was in the context it was used, and they said they would….and on shows like these, I’m always trying to keep myself out of it as much as possible. I hate breaking in with narration. I mentioned the definition of TPR in the intro, hoping people would catch it there. But yeah…it’s all for naught if people don’t understand what the words mean. So I really appreciate your noting this. I’ll be more careful in future shows.
An idea to do a story pertaining to foster children may be doable if you are interviewing adults (18+) whom spent a portion of their lives in foster care.
Thanks Melissa….and yes. The foster care system is a critical part of this story, particularly as it’s so overrun at the moment. Bess O’Brien did a great job telling some of the important stories about foster care, in her film Ask Us Who We Are. So the stories are out there….
Erica ….. very moving .. beautifully done. Real people ….so sad
DCF does not know nothing. I deal with them. I do not like DCF. Too many TPR cases in DCF system.
Vermont dcf has no clue on the safety of their children. How many of you think for one moment that an 8 year old child should be living with a child rapist who failed the three key questions in a polygraph? He raped an innocent 11 year old boy and destroyed his dignity and gave him memories that should never have been I this child’s mind. Yes he runs free in your state to harm your children. Dcf in Vermont is not for the children but for the money they take in from these poor helpless children.
I need parents to stand with me as we address questions for clarity .rules change continue to change that are opposite from policy regulations and procedures.Biased Workers actions are not documented by department just covered up and the parent is almost like disciplined and called crazy for asking why they are not putting they’re unlawful manipulation on paper.I have paper trail cuz I write it down my daughter does to.I don’t care about money I just want justice.
I just finished listening to the episode with 6 dcf families. We were the foster family who adopted X’s oldest son, and I can’t tell you how much you opened my eyes to understanding the side of those we often villify for not living how we think they should. We try our best to keep X in contact with our son so one day they may have a healthy relationship when he’s old enough to make decisions on his own. With that said, just want you to know I’m now a subscriber and look forward to listening to many more great podcasts.
Thank you. I learned so much from listening to this.